A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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