So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
