Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
