i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
