The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
