it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Shame - the story of my life.
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