Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
