What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
