This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
