So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
