In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize