Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
