I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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