she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
