worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
