Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
