I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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