were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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