Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
