I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
