if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
