My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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