We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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