I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
