His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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