Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
