piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
