They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
