no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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