I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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