you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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