I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
