If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These tits shall not be calmed
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