I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
