So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
