good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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