awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
