i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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