So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
