hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
