why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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