So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
