i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
