i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My penis needs a shock collar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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