He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
