The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
