It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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