She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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