at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
