After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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