he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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