do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
These tits shall not be calmed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
