i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
