party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
