And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize