Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
