its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
false alarm, still single
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