im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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