wat bout pragnant strippers??
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
