do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
