okay pat passed out under dana's car
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
