Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
