They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
