ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
