You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How does one acquire holy water?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
