tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
