dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
