Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
