I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
