at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
