tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
do nipples grow back?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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