This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
