he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
