I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
